Be Your Own Mentor
People say, “Find a mentor!”
“Find a good mentor who can teach you how to do things the right way!”
However, in reality, people have different lives, different situations, different ideas, different approaches, and different problems.
You and I are different. We are unique.
Your way to solve problems might be different from mine. Even though it is a similar problem.
Why? Because we have different circumstances, different situations, and different ways of thinking.
So, where can we find the best mentor for us? Who can guide and teach us in every aspect of our life?
Yeah maybe for very specific topics such as how to be a good Toastmaster you can find a good speaker like Hideo-san or Caliph to be your mentor and teach you on how to be a better speaker.
But how about finding the best mentor who is willing to be with you through your ups and down in life. How about finding a mentor who knows everything about you and knows exactly what approach or methods are suitable for you?
Sounds tempting right?
No worries, you don’t have to find that perfect mentor, because he or she is already with you all the time.
Yes, your perfect mentor is yourself!
Maybe some of you think that the idea of being your own mentor sounds crazy and impossible. I mean, how can a person be his/her own mentor and protege at the same time?
Let me tell you my story.
During the end of 2018 until the end of 2019, my life was a mess. My perfect marriage was crushed due to some unavoidable circumstances. We almost divorce. I still remember that time I saw the divorce letter in the living room waiting to be signed. I was so desperate trying to save my marriage but all of my efforts seemed futile.
I tried to find a mentor who can help me get back on my feet and make everything go back to normal again. The first person who comes to my mind is my mother. So I ask for her guidance. Asked her to teach me how to make everything better. She shared a lot of tips on how she maintains a good relationship with my father. I learned a lot from her and noted everything she told me. I implemented all these things expecting to get a better result.
What happened in the end? The condition got worse! Why? Of course because we have different circumstances and we are dealing with different people. My husband is not my father. They are different.
The situation is getting worse. At that time I have no job, my Japanese visa will expire in several months, I don’t have money to survive on my own, and I have no friends nor family in Japan who can actually help me here.
Then I took a moment to think.
The one who I can depend on is only myself. If I don’t take any action the condition won’t get better.
So I evaluate my habits and my situation. I start journaling my life. Note every circumstance. What happened and the possible causes. My strengths, my weakness. I note everything in an objective way. As if I were helping another person to solve her problem.
Then I try to encourage myself everyday. Whenever I see my reflection in the mirror, I speak to myself “Don’t worry Fristy! You got this! You are doing good today, there are things you can improve on that are blablabla” as if I mentor someone else.
I did a lot of research and took online learning to improve myself. Learned Japanese by myself and passed N3 then N2 in only one year. I learned to improve my emotional intelligence too. I learn to show empathy more than before. I learned to be a better listener. And I improve my attitudes here and there.
I focus more on improving myself to be a better person rather than focus on my marriage problem.
After one year of struggle. Finally, my marriage is getting better and better. I got my dream job. And now, I understand my husband more than before.
That’s my story. Now let me tell you on how to be your own mentor:
- Getting the right mindset: you need to be in a self-development mindset. Evaluate your condition and your habits, encourage yourself as if you are mentoring someone else, improve your environment by getting the right connection and get rid of any negative influence that you got from toxic people around you.
- Set clear goals: Write what do you want to achieve in the short-term and long-term
- Evaluating your progress: Evaluate your own progress everyday
So, are you ready to get a perfect mentor for you? No worries he/she is already inside you all the time.
Be your own mentor. Thank you.
