God’s Plan
I was an achiever, and I definitely was a perfectionist. My parents always put their high expectations for me and I answered all of their expectations. If I didn’t get the highest score in the semester exam they would be really disappointed.
“You didn’t do your best” or “You should try harder” they said.
That definitely shaped my mentality in that time. I always think that if I fail on something, that means I didn’t try hard. But, there are some points in my life, when I did my best, even pushed myself too hard. and, I still failed. This actually hurts me so much.
Let me tell you my story:
I’ve always been longing to go to Japan since I was a child. I loved watching Japanese anime on TV and I don’t know why I feel some attachment to Japan. It seems I’m destined to live here.
My family is a low-middle class family. We still can afford our living expenses, but we have never had any savings for going overseas. Even my father didn’t have enough money to send me to university. That’s why I study hard to get a scholarship for my study in the university.
After I graduate from university and earn my bachelor degree, I still longing to continue my study in Japan. I applied for Monbukagakusho scholarship, Asian Development Bank Scholarship, Indonesian Government scholarship, etc. But I only received rejection.
I am frustrated at that time, because there is a big scholarship program funded by Indonesian Ministry of Finance called LPDP program. The government has an ambitious program to send 3000 young Indonesian that age below 25, each year to learn at top 100 best universities all over the world. They have sent more than 15,000 young Indonesian to continue their study overseas.
Even my friends who had a lower GPA than me can get accepted in top universities all over the world including MIT, Oxford, Harvard, Tokyo University, and some of them even accepted in Tokyo Institute of Technology. More than 50% of my classmates successfully studied overseas using the scholarships provided by Indonesian Government.
Why did I fail? What’s wrong with me? I have a nice GPA and I graduated from the best engineering school but why did I fail at everything?
During my college days, I got scholarships from an American Oil and Gas Company and we have an agreement that said: I should work for them for two years after my graduation. But, when I finally graduated, it was just an empty promise. They said they don’t have a position for me. It seems our contract agreement was just a paper. I spent the next 6 months looking for a job. I was under heavy pressure. My family and friends have really high expectations for me. And I feel so powerless and desperate.
Finally, I got my first job at one of the national construction companies in Jakarta as a junior engineer. It was a shitty job indeed. They paid me minimum wage and expected me to work overtime until midnight without any overtime payment. It was hell. Then I chose to quit that job one year later.
Then, God has another plan for me. After I graduated and worked at that shitty construction company. I got opportunities to work on the JICA or Japan International Cooperation Agency’s project on developing a national master plan for the water supply system of the Republic of Indonesia. Then I got married and moved to Japan to live with my husband.
Actually, deep inside. I know that living as a civil engineer is not my thing. After working as a professional engineer for 3 years. I decided to change my life course. Maybe that’s why God forbade me to get that scholarship. And when I met with my friend who is studying for her Ph.D in Kyoto University. She said something about the premise that said she should go back to Indonesia after she earns her Ph.D in sustainable energy. She was worried because now, it’s hard for her to find the job because she is over qualified. Developing countries like Indonesia still don’t have enough job opportunities for her.
If only I got that LPDP scholarship, maybe I can’t work in Japan like now. Maybe I can’t live here for more than 2 years.
And maybe if I work with that American Oil and Gas Company my life will be more difficult because I should work in a harsh environment on the oil rig in the middle of pacific ocean.
That time, I learned my lesson.
But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. God knows, while you do not know.
These lessons are really inspiring me so much. I feel enlightened and feel so much better now.
God works in mysterious ways. He has a plan for every living thing in this universe. What we should do is do our best, and let go of our attachment. Then God will do the rest.
And you don’t even have to believe in God to get his plan.
So, what is the biggest life lesson you’ve got? Have you learned it already?
