The Four Agreements
I would like to talk about one of the books that have changed my life. The title is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, a Mexican surgeon who learned about the ancient wisdom of Toltecs.
Okay, so what are the four agreements?
The ancient Toltecs said that there are four agreements that we should make to ourselves to get a well-balanced and happy life.
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
What does “impeccable” mean? In this context, it comes from a Latin word that means “without sin”. Being impeccable means not judging, hurting, or blaming yourself or others.
Stop lying, gossiping, complaining, and criticizing.
Your word is one of the most powerful tools you have.
When was the last time you used it to bring someone up instead of gossip?
When was the last time you used it to put value out into the world instead of complaining
and criticizing the person who didn’t?
When was the last time you used it to criticize or blame yourself for each failure in your life?
When was the last time you lie to yourself just because you are afraid of the judgment from other people?
Practice being impeccable with your word. And you will feel so much better.
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
How people treat you is a projection of who they are.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, that other people and the world do or say to you, is about you. When someone calls you ugly, it says a whole lot more about them and their problems than about you. Whatever issues they’re dealing with has led them to take their frustration out on you.
That is why it doesn’t make sense to ever take anything personally.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
We often jump to conclusions and make assumptions that are wildly wrong.
If you say “hi” to a friend, and they don’t reply, you would perhaps make the assumption that they were mad at you without any real evidence.
Maybe they just feel stressed because something happened in their life. Something that has no relation to you at all.
Not every bad thing happens because of your fault.
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment but under any circumstance, simply do your best.
Nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves, but if we simply do our best, we can avoid
all the unnecessary self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
That’s all the four agreements, now I would like to explain why these agreements matter to me and in what way my life has changed because of this.
Ruiz tells us that we are all taught strict rules as children, which we make ourselves live by as adults. The society we live in imposes many things upon us, including the collective ‘dream of the planet’. The rules of this collective dream are impressed upon us by our parents, schools, religions, and other influences.
We learn how we are meant to behave through this, and what we should believe and accept as normal. Ruiz says that because we didn’t choose these rules and agreements, we should question why we accept and live by them.
I grow up in a strict conservative family surrounded by closed-minded neighbors and society. My neighbor will know if I go back home late, and the next day my mom will just scold without asking why I go back home late. She ashamed of me because of the neighbors now gossiping about me.
At that time, I was an engineering student, sometimes I need to stay in the laboratory until late to finish my research. The neighbors just make a foolish assumption that if I often go back home late, then I must be not a good kid.
It was the moment that I learned how impactful the mean words if we take it personally. I wish I knew these four agreements earlier.
Now, I know how to handle this kind of judgemental society. Don’t take it personally and never make an assumption about anything they say.
Be impeccable with my words, don’t even try to hurt others, and just do my best!
Whatever you think the best maybe don’t align with society but it is okay. Do your best! But don’t expect society to acknowledge you. Just do the things you feel right. Follow your heart and you will be okay.
Once again
Be impeccable with your words, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and lastly Do your best!
